As I think back to when I first began my journey to the past, I am reminded of dear Mrs. Graham… I do hope she is doing well. I have been here in the past for such a long time now and much of the time, I am so caught up in trying to survive in this world that I forget I was sent here originally on a investigative and fact finding mission for Mrs. Graham and her associates at Crag na dun Time Tours. In the beginning, I tried hard to follow their directives and guidelines- such as remaining a distant and wholly objective observer? That may have been fine and feasible had I been able to stick to our plan of only being here for a short time… Because of the events that took place early on with Earl Haraldson and then so many other events, I felt it my obligation and duty to remain here and follow what ever path this place sets before me. I found it impossible not be caught up in the lives of these people and could not stand aside and just watch them suffer! I made my choice to remain here and live my life with these people that history may have told the wrong stories about or forgotten entirely. I only hope that I do nothing to change the course of the future too much- I do not foresee that happening as I am but a small part of this time and place… an unknown woman with little power to change or influence anyone’s destiny! I just try to go on with my life as best I can now. I am happy here for the most part, and like many of the other travelers, I find myself more content and at peace here despite all of the difficulties I face on a daily basis.
I am ever thankful to Mrs. Graham and Crag na dun Time Tours for this opportunity and I now believe that it was my destiny to follow this path. I shall never again mock or ridicule her Tea leaf readings nor her palm readings! I can only hope to repay her by documenting my journey and I pray that someday it will all arrive safely back into her hands to be shared in the future!
As I mentioned, I found it impossible not to become involved with these people and care about what happens to them. I do remember one of her most specific directives for me… It was not so much to follow Ragnar Lodbrok but to find out more about his brother, Rollo? Of course, in our version of history as we know it- Rollo was a great warrior and ancestor of King William I or William the Conqueror. What I was to do was find out more about this Rollo brother of Ragnar Lodbrok and see if there is any correlation or connection between the two?
I took this directive quite seriously, and even if I have not been able to comply with any of their other directives, I am determined to carry through on this particular one as it feels so important to do so? I will write much more about this man, Rollo in the future as he has become such an integral part of my life here. first and foremost, I must caution that Rollo Lodbrok may be a great warrior, but as Lagertha once commented, not so great a man at times?
He has made more than his share of mistakes from the very beginning and often I become so frustrated with him that I should like to kick him senseless and give up on him completely. He is stubborn, short tempered and many times acts before he thinks of the consequences! But, despite these flaws, I am constantly drawn back to him and feel that some where deep within him, there is greatness and worth… my loyalties and my heart will forever be with him and I will follow where ever his path leads. Yes, there are untold times when I question his actions and my sanity for such a fierce loyalty to him? I often find myself questioning, much as he does himself, whether he is truly worthy? But, then I see how he beats himself up so well that there is no point in the rest of us beating up on him as well? I leave that action to Siggy… she is so good at it, and she seems to able to get through to him when the rest of us can not!
I will share more of the story between Siggy and Rollo later. I do not begrudge her actions, or his involvement with her. After the terrors that we all have faced over the past few years, I understand and accept that we all do what ever we must to survive and live to fight another day. We have all made our share of mistakes and must live with the consequences.
I swore my loyalties and my allegiance to Rollo whether that be right or wrong, it is done and I will abide by it for I made my oath with clear conscience. I asked him only one thing… I will follow him anywhere and I will wait patiently for him to become the man I know he is destined to be, but he must put more thought into his plans for the future and cease to act before thinking? He must think ahead and plan his actions more carefully… an example of this is when he told me that we would sail to France?
I had to remind him to please think his plans through more thoroughly and not act quite so hastily! Just because he wants to be his own man is no reason to act foolishly… I had to state the fact that it would be far better to take advantage of a plan that involves Ragnar and much bigger, better equipped ships?
Do not act so rashly, think ahead to your future and you will become a man of great worth, Rollo!