Eleanor’s journal entries 43

Judith and Eleanor in the hall
The memory faded… The Bishop was gone, as were Margaret and Thomas Stanley. Judith and I were left alone once again in the cold, empty hall. Judith exhaled slowly and tried to collect her thoughts and her emotions. Looking at her, I could tell it was more excitement than fear that she was attempting to hold in. I asked her about this, “What, You are becoming so used to my visions now that they do not phase you? Are you not concerned about what my mind may be hiding from us?”

Well, even if she were not concerned, I was… I was much afraid of what I knew, or rather did not know. I was somewhat saddened now too. I could not get past a hesitated worried thought that Lady Margaret might be as guilty as everyone assumed she was. I knew that many did not like her and would willingly cast blame upon her but I had always held in my heart that she had not done what they had accused her of.

Lady Margaret

Judith seemed to sense my disappointment and offered some reassurance. “Eleanor, this is no proof that she is guilty of anything other than some secret meeting with someone… we don’t know who she was with or what she was discussing. And, we don’t know anything about what her argument with Thomas was about, unless of course you can search back to remember more of that particular time.”

She looked around the hall in some thought and made a suggestion, “John and Gerard mentioned that you could possibly pick up on on other memories than just your own. I think the vision of the Bishop’s thoughts proved that. I wonder if, for now, instead of focusing on your own memories… let your mind free to wander and see if you can pick up images of anything else regarding that time here in the Castle, even if you were not here.”

That now ever present voice of my Mother inside of me smiled softly and I saw a pale hand reach out from me to gently stroke Judith’s shoulder. She whispered to me, “such a wise and clever lass she is…”
Guinivere's hand

Judith brushed at her shoulder and looked around the room, “I swear I just felt something touch my shoulder…” She sighed, “Well, I suppose as old and drafty as this place is, it’s probably the wind.”

The hand quickly retreated back to within me with a faint shimmering light following it. Judith startled and blinked, “Did you see that? It looked like a hand floating there for a moment.” She rubbed her eyes and added, “Maybe this is a bit too much for me, now I am seeing my own visions.”

Guinivere comes from the shadow1

I tried to apologize and make some reasonable explanation but I has having difficulty understanding it myself. My Mother hushed me and I felt an odd sensation go through me in waves. There was a slight swirl of air around us that smelled faintly of lavender. Rather slowly, a form appeared next to us… she eased her way out of my body and stood between us. The first sight of her was clouded and dim. Though we were taken by some surprise, after all we had already experienced, her appearance did not cause us too much unease. At least we had some idea of who she was and why she was here. Judith was a bit unsettled but seemed to adjust herself quite well. My feelings were not any of fear or unease, but ones of lightness and joy at finally seeing her. The lightness flowed through me and caused me to flutter above the ground. The fairie blood within me was reacting to this occasion and I had little control of it.

Guinivere comes from the shadow

guinivere's arrival

It took my Mother some effort to collect herself and appear to us fully. She closed her eyes and held out her hands as if to steady herself. After a few moments she looked around, then reached out to us. She spoke in that soft accented voice that I had so quickly become accustomed to and fond of, “Ahhhh, Let me gather my thoughts but for a moment.” She touched my shoulder and looked at me with such an emotion that I had not felt before. It took my breath away to see her and to truly feel her touch.

She reached out to Judith, “Please allow me to present myself, I am Guinivere, Mother of Ainor…” She halted and smiled, “Accch, I forget myself and my language. Tis Eleanor that she is called by now. You must forgive me, my mind is still cloudy.” she held out her hand to Judith as she continued, “I must thank you for your care and your kindness to my daughter. You are a fine and true friend and I am most grateful that you have come into Eleanor’s life. She needs those such as you surrounding her.”


Judith seemed at a loss for words or comment. She was stumbling for a reply and admitted it freely, “I uhhh, I am at a loss for words right now. I’m not even sure how to put this but, ummm who are you? I mean I know you’ve told me your name, but now I’m wondering…” Judith was rambling in some confusion.

Guinivere laughed lightly and patted Judith’s arm. “Ohhhh, tis a very long story of who I am or was. One we have not enough time for right now.” She gave Judith a look that said wait, then surprised her with another remark as she stroked her hand, “Ahhhh my Lady Judith, you will give your Eric my fond greetings whence you see him again?”

This comment startled Judith away from who Guinivere was, but to how she knew of Eric, and her relationship with him, “Oh, How on earth or heaven could you know that?
Judith blushed a bit as Guinivere laughed and replied, “Well, tis much ease when he seems to be such a constant thought ever running through your mind.” She sighed, “Hush, we shall find time for that later. Now, our task is to aide my sweetest Eleanor.”

She stood close to me as though she could not part too far away. I felt her soothing presence within and around me, and inhaled the deep scent of lilacs and lavender from her. There was little need for words between us as I could still hear her voice within. When she spoke, I knew it was more for Judith’s benefit than mine…she could have easily shared all I needed in a moment of thought with me.

I had a thought concerning Judith’s earlier question of who she was and was given a reply equal to the one she had given Judith. She calmly, yet firmly answered me in thought, “Hush, I am your Mother, and am here to help you… that is all that is of need or importance right now.” She sensed my somewhat childish beginnings of an insistance on knowing and cut it to the quick, “Enough, Ever the stubborn babe you were and still are. You will have these other answers when you have need of them.”

I sensed in her as much stubborness as was within myself. I also sensed that as fragile as she might appear, she was far stronger than her almost transparent wings gave illusion of. She wave aside my thoughts and spoke aloud to share her thoughts with Judith.


“Judith, you were much right in your thought that Eleanor can see what has happened here. It is a matter of wanting to see it and focusing on it.” She place herself between us once more and held out her hands. “There is nothing to fear, this is but a vision of the past events of this place. It is the energy and the secrets that the walls of this Castle hold. If you focus and concentrate completely, Eleanor, you will be able to see those people who left their imprints, their words and their lingering thoughts here.”

Judith questioned this, “But, there must have been hundreds, thousands, even countless more than that of people passing through here. It would be impossible, wouldn’t it, to pick out any one specific person, event or thought.”

Guinivere agreed, “Yes it would be an impossible task to attempt to seek out a vibration in such a vast amount, much like how do you say, Looking for a needle in a haystack…. a face in a sea of thousands of unknowns.” she paused for a moment and motioned for us to walk with her through the halls. As we walked, she went on, “Or perhaps, one connecting, unbroken thread in an intricate tapestry, such as life is.”

tree of life

She stopped and turned to us, “You must do as you do any other kind of search. You must narrow your search to what it is you are looking for in all of that unknown noise, and focus only on that. Eventually, the other noise and vibration will subside and you will see a clearer picture, hear a distant voice come closer.”

I was bewildered now, “I do not quite understand all of this. I am not sure what you are suggesting to me, nor am I sure that I have any skill that would allow this.”

Guinivere hugged me close and responded, “Eleanor, most people have a limited amount of such a skill. That is why at some time you might enter a place, feel such a slight momentary vibration, hear what you assume to be faint buzzings or even on some occasion, hear a very distant and muted voice. Some very rare and unique individuals such as yourself, have a far more attuned and innate ability. You just have never been trained or taught to make use of it. The skill is there within you waiting for you.”

I looked at her with much doubt, “John, and Gerard as well have made mention of my abilities but I am not so convinced. How do they know I possess these things when I do not know myself.”

She smiled and made effort to reassure, “Because they have powers and abilities of their own and can sense abilities in others of a like kind. But, even they are not aware of the extent of your untried and untested skills.” She held her hands out to me and closed her eyes. Her face looked troubled, “My Dearest Ainor, I wish that we had time together when you were a child, to train you properly of your place in the world, in the universe…I wish we had more time now, but alas, we do not. There is much amiss in that future world you have arrived in, and much of it has to do with events within these Castle walls. The persons causing the damage are still out there plotting something and we can not know who, or what until we unravel these mysteries. You must trust me for now and take what guidance I can give you in this matter.”

Judith was worried now, “I understand some of what you’re saying, Lady Guinivere… But, why can’t you see what or who it is? Surely, you have your own powers and abilities to see things.”

Guinivere shrugged and shook her head, “Everyone has different skills and abilities passed down to them in their bloodlines. As bloodlines mix, the traits change. Sometimes, they disappear and lie dormant within us. Other times, one inherits a trait or skill thought long gone. Tis such with Eleanor… she has inherited traits from far in our distant past and they are much stronger than any realize.” She looked at me again with a fierce pride, “You, Eleanor are a unique blend of all the past and the present. You are a key to the future.”

Guinivere let go of my hands and briskly set aside her softer emotions, “Now, enough of a Mother’s delight and pride in her offspring. We have much to accomplish and, I feel not so much time to complete it. I feel another storm approaching in the distant.”

One thought on “Eleanor’s journal entries 43

  1. Pingback: Eleanor’s journal entries 43 | Lady Eleanor DeGuille's private journal

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