Eleanor’s journal entries 26

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I woke from that sleep to find sunlight streaming in a nearby window. Only half awake, I opened my eyes a bit to determine just where I was for I knew that I was not on the sofa where I had fallen into sleep? I found myself curled up, tucked within the arms of John upon his bed. He was soundly sleeping but when I moved, his arms instinctively pulled me back to him. It seemed that he was intent on his earlier vows that now he had me close, he was going to keep me with him for all eternity?
I lay there thinking of all that had taken place in the past hours… One thought came clearly to me. Though I might not understand everything that been explained, what I did know was this? I felt more well rested than ever before in my life, I felt safe within John’s arms and there was such a feeling of calm within me that I did not feel any desire to move from this spot at all?
I know that many of those women I have met in this current day would view John’s earlier vows more as a threat and would immediately set to confronting him on his attitude of domination and control of them? I, however did not see it in any such way. I welcomed his promise to keep me safely by his side for that eternity? In fact, somewhere in my deeper thoughts, I looked much forward to a future with this man! I could easily state the same vow to him. Now that I had found him, he which felt like a missing piece of me, I would fight to keep him with me as well!
I curled myself closer to him, felt the heat and the rhythm of his heartbeats and dozed back into day dreams that I had never wandered to previously. My mind drifted to thoughts of a romantic nature… I, who had no experience, no previous desires of this type, was dreaming of a desire to feel all of him? My body heated and my heart beat quicker at the thought of him in such a way… I slowly turned within his arms so as not to wake him. I pressed myself much closer to him to put our hearts together. They beat together in the same rhythm as one. I let my fingers trail over his fully clothed body and I put my face close to his neck where I could see and feel his pulse beating there… My lips found that spot and lightly kissed it while I inhaled the scent of him. A sudden rush of warmth pooled deep inside of me and swept through me until I could feel it sprea up my body to my breast and my heart? What was this feeling, this new delirious sensation creeping through me? I felt something else as well… I felt John’s body reacting to mine in a way that startled me to an unsure comprhension.

Of course, I was not totally naïve… I had grown up in a time where, while propriety and manners took precidence, matters of physical intimacies and activities between the sexes were somewhat more open, mainly because it was difficult to keep some it totally private. I had seen men’s evidence of their attractions and desires for women on display through their breeches before. I had witnessed couples in various states of attractions… I knew what took place, I had just never experienced it myself before so this reaction from John’s body took me by as much surprise as the feeling that were taking place in my own self!
I lay there quite still, and now unsure of myself. I felt John’s arms tighten around me, pull me closer as though that were even possible? My legs were entwined with his and I felt that other part of his body beating with it’s own pulse?
John held me there for moment, then gently moved me apart and took my face in his hands, willing me to look up at him. His normally sea green eyes were dark and glazed. I saw such emotion there that it was difficult to look away. He closed his eyes for a second and pulled my face close to his. His lips were upon mine in an instant fullfilling my earlier desire to know his kiss. This was not a gentle, comforting kiss upon the lips. I opened my mouth to his and allowed him to pour his soul into mine. My entire being felt the rapture! All of my senses snapped and tingled at once and I returned the kiss wholeheartedly. Even though I had never done this before, it seemed as natural to me as breathing? At least for a moment it did, until my body started to quake and reel from the intense explosions of pulses within me!
I broke from the kiss, shaking and barely able to breathe! John took a deep sharp breath, closed his eyes and held his breath before letting it go raggedly. He looked at me, and when he spoke, it was as though he was still struggling for breath or some sort of control? “Ohhh Gods Above Eleanor! You are not ready for this yet! I know well for a fact that you are not, yet it may be the death of me to wait until you are!” He shook his head as if to clear it and moved me further away so that we were not touch nearly so intimately!
I was struggling for my own control of those new and over powering sensations. My limbs were weak, my insides felt somewhat melted and there was still a tingling throughout me. I was unsure and fearful but, I was puzzled, and curious as well. I was also still desiring and craving for more of him…I reached my hand out to touch him once again and spoke,”Ahhhhh and, How do you know so much, John, as to know for certain that I am not ready for more?” My fingers traced a delicate pattern over his hands, “Mayhaps, I am more ready now than I have ever been? Perhaps it is you who are not ready for this between us? I continued my wandering path with my fingertips and inwardly smiled as he he shuddered from my lightest touch… With a sudden reliasation of age old knowledge, I knew I held an ancient, timeless instinctive power over him? It felt immensely good to know this? I smiled at that secret and John looked at me in his own puzzlement then groaned when he seemed to understand what I had just comprehended?
He leaned his head towards mine and muttered, “Yes, you will ever be my own personal trial!” He pulled me a bit closer again and sighed, “Eleanor, you are quite right in your sudden clarity that you have that ageless power over me… you are also right in your thought that perhaps I as well am not quite ready for this? We, neither of us are ready yet for this next powerful step that will essentially bind us together for all of eternity? “
Though it was difficult for us both to maintain our desires, we laid there held close together as John went on, “Eleanor, this next step, which we both so crave, is not one of just a physical connection between us? Should that have been the case, I would happily give in, give us both that release and that satisfaction that we are in need of so desperately!” We both sighed in our individual and mutual frustations at that!
He sighed and copied the pattern I had earlier traced on his hands, repeating it on mine, “My dearest Eleanor, my heartbeat and my soul, I will not take you in a whirlwind of quickened cravings just for the sake of momentary mutual gratification! No, you are my soulmate, my destiny of the stars… I know that deep within me, as I am quite sure you know too? Ours is a union of souls and eternity. I hold firmly to my beliefs and my ancient traditions. We will honor those beliefs and those traditions and no matter how torturing the wait shall be for us both, we will be wed and sanctified properly before we commit to this act!”
My thoughts and frustrations must have shown on my face…He laughed and commented, “Never fear, Sweeting, the waiting may be insufferable but the outcome shall be well worth it!”
I was extremely frustrated now, and my sometimes peevish nature showed itself, “Hmmmmph! And, What causes you to be so sure of yourself, Sir John, that I would be so agreeing to wed you? I am not so experienced in these pysical matters and reactions… How do I know that you are so definitely my soul mate even?” My peevishness was turning to the waspish side… “Mayhaps, I do not even believe in these things such as you have told me, nor might I even believe in the notion of soulmates?”
In response to my outburst, he grasped me close and kissed me again, this time a longer more drawn out and sensuous play on my lips and my tongue. His fingers trailed a pattern down my body from my breasts to the most intimate space between my legs. My response was as powerful, even more so this time. He slowly dragged out the kiss, then quite suddenly released me and laughed heartily as my tongue licked my lips as if speaking for me in wanting more! “Eleanor, you may deny it all you want but, your inner self knows the truth!”
He laughed again as I turned away from him and groaned in dire frustration, hugging myself in an attempt to regain control!
I was sorely aggrevated… he was so sure and certain of himself and of me. And Blast the man, he was so right in all of it. That was what infuriated me the most!
John simply smiled as he got up from the bed and told me, “Come, we’ve wasted much of the morning! We have much to attend to and no more time to devote to our private pleasure!’”

One thought on “Eleanor’s journal entries 26

  1. Pingback: Eleanor’s journal entries 26 | Lady Eleanor DeGuille's private journal

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