Eleanor’s journal entries 24


John sat quietly beside me, stroking my hands and not looking straight at me, but staring down at our hands locked together… I could sense that he was much troubled. One did not need any special powers to realize this! He finally spoke, “Eleanor, we have other things of which to discuss as well?” I had some feeling of what subjects he was about to approach, and nodded in agreement for him to continue.
He had as much difficulty talking of emotions as I did. I could see the struggle on his face as he began, “First of all, Eleanor, you should know that over my years of watching and protecting you, I felt a powerful connection to you? I watched you suffer, and struggle but yet survive and become the strongest and most noble honorable woman I have ever encountered. Your inner strength and courage has ever amazed me!” I blushed at his words of praise, and knew that this was not exactly how he wanted this conversation to go? My heart was touched by his struggle to put his feelings into words for me.
I voiced my own feelings then, “I know now, John that you were there often? At the time, I could often feel some presence, as though someone was close by reaching out to me… but when I would search for them, they would fade away? That was you, wasn’t it? “ He silently nodded his head in acknowledgement.
I reached my hand up to stroke his cheek and encourage him to go on. He looked at me, his eyes clouded, “I was bound by my orders from the Council to keep my distance from you but found it nearly impossible at times when I felt your pain? “
He grasped my hand and held it to his lips, kissing it softly before going on, “I need to tell you of our ancient beliefs ? I know you were not raised with them and have much suspicion of them?” He sighed and laughed softly, “You need not reply to that, I know for a fact that you are filled with skepticism and suspicion of any spiritual beliefs! And, I well understand your reasons for it!”
I sighed and when I spoke, I knew my skeptical and sarcastic tendancy came through, “Well, I would be fool to deny that I am ever suspicious of beliefs which cause those around me to turn upon each other and offer their friends and family up for sacrifice to appease a God they claim is benevolent and loving to all… to all who follow their version of what he is? “ My bitterness at years of watching people change their beliefs according to what would gain them advantages would ever be with me, along with the sights, the smells, the screams of those sacrificed!
John held me in understanding, “I know the feelings well, Eleanor. They haunt me too! But, what you need to understand is this… Those beliefs are superficial and created by Man to manipulate and control? There are far deeper, more ancient beliefs that are based on a universe, not just a small world? There are inner beliefs that guide us all toward a light and a destiny of peace and caring for each other? These are beliefs which guided me? I do believe in them!”

He held out his hand, and with a touch of magic from within him, a sparkle of light appeared? I was puzzled at this, at what must be some sort of parlor trick? My skepticism was over ruled by curiousity and I reached to touch it… The sparkles danced from his hands to mine and I was spellbound by the touch of them and the sight of them glittering over the palms of our hands! John laughed softly, “Ahhhh, You see? You are intrigued, aren’t you?”
I had to admit that Yes, I was! I wanted to know of this trick and how it was accomplished?
John flicked his hands and the sparkles danced around us. When they would touch my skin, they would sparkle more and I could feel delightful feathery tingles throughout me?
John smiled at my childlike excited reaction and let them dance around me as he explained, “Eleanor, that is the magic that is within you! It is within everyone, though most would deny it, shut it off and never choose to experience it? That is the light within us.” He hesitated, “Of course, there is also dark within us all as well? When we live in fear, the dark comes out in storms of varying proportions… All of nature is within us, and our emotions have a direct impact on our world?”
The sparkles faded to mists and fog around us as I let my doubts and disbelief fill my thoughts. John went on, “You see what just happened? Your fears shut out the light and your doubts have created a fog of unclearness about us!” He guided my thoughts back towards the lights, “Imagine what happens when an entire group lives in fear? The mists, fog, the storms fill the world around them and light disappears forever!”

As if to show me, the room went suddenly dark? I felt cold drafts of wind and there flashed frightning strikes of lightning! My mind panicked and the storm within the room grew worse! I cried for John to stop it as my fear increased!
John spoke calmly though it, “Eleanor, you must control it! It is your fear, your doubt and your panic causing it?” He held my hands, and my thoughts while I fought with my greatest fears to control the storm surrounding us. My head began to throb and I felt the fear in my stomach causing waves of discomfort and nausea. This was the headaches of which I had suffered from for years? Suddenly, an inkling of comprehension and understanding took root… My immediately thought was one of concern? I managed to find some control with John’s help and guide my emotions to a calmer level. Once the room was merely filled with a slight fog, I voiced my thoughts, knowing that to give them voice would take away the power of them to control my thoughts?
I was worried now and shared it with John, “I think that I understand this power now, but I am greatly worried and wondering if it was I, not others who caused such disturbances and time slips?!” I was horrified by the thought! In the past, my headaches had generally been followed by the storms of varying magnitude, and then the time slips? My way of denying any connection of the events and dealing with the results had been to strictly shut down my emotions. That had served me well for much of it and allowed me to survive that turbulence.
John quickly reassured me while I may have unwittingly caused some of the events, it was more a case of as he had suggested before… of an entire group of people, a world of people’s doubts and fears that caused a chain reaction of events? He did caution me that my powers were strong and quite rare, and I must learn to use them in the right ways?

One thought on “Eleanor’s journal entries 24

  1. Pingback: Eleanor’s journal entries 24 | Lady Eleanor DeGuille's private journal

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s