Eleanor’s journal entries 22

John still had a vague haunted look after finishing his story of his family. I sat quietly squeezing his hand, trying to find some words of comfort for him. I struggled with the words… I had ever had difficulties expressing myself properly but knew this was important. “So, you are worlds apart from your family, but yet you still have them? Tis your choice in this matter, John whether to set aside your long past resentments and learn to have some relationship with them? I have naught of that choice. I have no one left of my family?”
John shrugged and shook the memories from his mind, “Yes it is my choice, and I know that eventually I will again find my way to come to terms with them.” He sighed, “Now, you know of my history, such as it is, and how I came to be upon the Council. We need to go on with this and begin to answer your thoughts on yourself!”
He went forth with the story of how he had come to be my watcher and protector. It was a direct assignment from the High Council. My world was shaken again as he explained that I was not a direct child of my parents? I had been delivered to the Council in the midst of an ongoing wars in the early days of Britain. No one at that Council had been told of my true lineage then, only that I was a victim of the raging battles and was in dire need of the Council’s protecting. It was imperitive that I be kept safe and removed from the current fighting. The Council knew of the ability to use time slips back then, though at the time even they were unaware of just how truly dangerous this could be? They did understand there was always a possibility of danger and consequences and did use much caution when making use of them. It took some time, but finally a suitable time, place and family was found for me… Only a few within the highest levels knew my identity and what my future destiny should be? At the time, no one knew if I carried any other blood than mortal. I was placed with those I knew as my family because it was my future, my destiny, some Royal blood within me that deemed me to set upon the course of being a Royal?
There were a select few surrounding me that knew my course and did what they needed to in guiding towards that destiny. My adoptive parents knew full well what they were to do… to raise me to that point? At this point, John stopped and reminded me, “Remember what I advised about not judging harshly before you understand?” He continued, “They were not bad people, they may not have treated you as you wished but it was the way of the times then, and they knew they needed to prepare you for a life upon the throne? They did their duties and their deaths were their sacrifice for you.”
I struggled to control the emotions flooding through me then, “So it this is all so, it was my destiny to wed Edward?” I fought back tears of frustration and not understanding, “Then, if that was my destiny, What Pray tell happened to change it all?” I was so pent up with questions and suspicions that I could not help but voice them, “I may be able to understand part of this… But, What of Lady Margaret Beaufort! Why would she have done this, gone along with this plan when she was of one notion, and that was to see her son upon the throne?”
John had to still my raising voice and my questions to continue, “First of all, it is after that point that the time slips started to go dangerously wrong!” As he told me more, his voice carried an irritated disgusted tone, “At the time, Lady Margaret was in no real position to argue with what ever acts the Queen came forward with? She was in a precarious position herself , walking a fine and thin line of balance to keep herself and her son safe, as well as you!” He stopped for a moment to let this sink in then went on, “Lady Margaret did want her son on the throne, but in order to do that eventually, first she needed to keep him alive! Do not judge her so harshly either Eleanor, she did what she needed to even when it went against her personal engrained beliefs?”
John paused a moment, picked up my hand and held it firmly while staring into my eyes willing me to pay close heed to his next words, “Eleanor, you may not have blood family, but you must understand that you have a great many who care about you, about your well being… And, you have people who put their lives and their beliefs on the line to see you safe and alive! That is the one thing that counts right now- You are alive to fight another day!”

One thought on “Eleanor’s journal entries 22

  1. Pingback: Eleanor’s journal entries 22 | Lady Eleanor Deguille's private journal

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