Eleanor’s journal entries 18

The vision slowly faded away and I looked around me to notice that all of the others around me looked pale and shaken? John touched my shoulder gently and tried to explain, “Eleanor, it seems as though you have developed some very keen powers that have unsettled us all? Perhaps it might be best if you are careful when sharing your memories for a while? At least until you have learned how to control your thoughts?”
I was still shaken from the memory and now confused as well. “What do you mean?” I asked uncertainly. “You were the one pushing me to remember my past, and now that I have, you would prefer I didn’t?”

John stroked my arm and pulled me close as the others stood apart from us still looking dazed and unsure. He spoke softly to me, “Eleanor, you did not just share your memory, you took us all there to it and we lived it with you!” I knew my eyes grew wide with unbelieving and I let a gasp and shudder of fright! He held me close, absorbing the waves of fear spreading throughout my body. I felt his thoughts within my mind willing me to calm and breath through it? He was using some inner power or connection to ease the needles of pain that were pricking my mind, my heart, my soul. I knew not how he did it, was not even sure I wanted to? But for those moments, I was grateful for the relief he brought me? I leaned back against him, closed my eyes and found some peace. I was able to collect myself enough to face the others and try to apologize for the discomfort I may have caused them.
I was filled with so many questions now that needed answers? I chose what I thought was the most pressing of the moment, mainly because of what I had just remembered. I turned to face Bradley, as was his name now… “You will tell me the truth of all this right now!”

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Bradley stood watching me carefully, rubbing the spot on his arm that I had touched. There was what looked to be a scorch mark on his sleeve? He spoke in a serious manner, did not deny any of the memory but advised me sternly, “You were wise beyond your years not to speak of it then, and You must not speak of it now? For to do so would put us all in even more danger than we are all already in!” He went on calmly, “I do not think you are ready yet to have this discussion? We should wait until you have recovered from the shocks you have so far encountered this evening?” They all agreed with him and he paused before asking, “For now, we need just one thing from you? Are you absolutely certain that you have spoke of this to no one? That no one knows who you truly are?”
I started to tremble again within John’s arms. John wrapped me closer in reassurance, “Shhhhh, Eleanor, We need to know in order to keep you, and the rest of us safe?”
A dark, distressing thought crossed my mind, working it’s way to the surface. I made every effort to control it and not let it completely overtake me as the last memory had. I was quite scared now, someone did know something? Someone very powerful knew not the whole story, but a part of it? My voice shook as I told them of my experience at Royals Castle.
When Henry VIII had revealed to me that he knew of my connections to the throne, my royal lineage… at least the portion that was still intact in the waivering time slips? So far as I knew, three other people were aware of my lineage? Three extremely powerful and possibly untrustworthy men who might again use me as a pawn? Henry had extracted an oath of alliegance and fielty to him, Francois DeFrance had witnessed it, and one Gerard DeJewel had been the one who let the information to Henry?
The goup looked at each other as though considering which of those would present the danger? I voiced my thoughts of it, “Of the three, I suppose that I would trust Francois the most? Henry is unpredictable and could turn on anyone at any time? But, the one I trust the very least is Gerard!” The entire group sighed in unison as I spat out Gerard’s name. Even after all of these years my resentments and hatred of him continued to rage at the mere thought of him?

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The discussion came to an abrupt halt and the events of the night quickly caught up with me. John seemed to sense that I was fading and caught me up in his arms as I gave into an overpowering exhaustion. I vaguely heard him tell the others that what was needed right now was sleep? In the morning we would deal with all of it. That was the last I remembered for quite some time other than half waking occasionally to find John next to me holding me, looking upon me with a fear and concern?

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One thought on “Eleanor’s journal entries 18

  1. Pingback: Eleanor’s journal entries 18 |Lady Eleanor DeGuille's private journal

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