I wait until night, when this new house is quiet finally… It is full now of residents, guests and a new owner? Yet another puzzle for me to work through. I find the one place that I might find peace and answers. The young ladies in my charge seldom bother with this room, and the men, newly arrived, have hidden themselves away downstairs in the Billiards room. This room that, in the past, I would have not bothered with either, has become my sanctuary!
I read, I search for clues, for answers… I find few! I have decided that I must make an attempt to record what I remember, what I know happened? It is an arduous task for me. I wish now that I had paid more attention to my tutors as a child! I was never fond of the school room learning and my Mother did not think it all that important for a girl. She thought it a waste to fill one’s head with things one did not need to know. She also thought that too much learning could be dangerous for a girl… it would give me cause to think beyond myself and what was truly important for me and my family? In my Mother’s view, the most important things to learn were how to be a proper and obedient wife and know one’s place or standing in Nobility. I learned to read and to write passably well enough. I learned enough of numbers so as to keep household accounts and determine whether I was being cheated by some merchant. I do pride myself on my accounting skills and my abilities to strike an even bargain! Those skills have been my saving grace in this life!
As to the other lessons my Mother deemed so important… How to be a proper and obedient wife? Well, I am quite certain that I could be a “proper” wife but after the events I have witnessed, I am not nearly so sure I could be an obedient wife! Knowing one’s place or standing in Nobility?
I know what all of the so called rules on one’s place are, but I also know now that those who set the rules are most often those who change them at whim and for their own benefit while expecting everyone lower than them to strictly adhere to the rules! I also know now that one’s place in Nobility can change overnight depending on who sits the highest… He or she who sits on the throne can change your place for better or worse in the blink of an eye!